My father
Used to walk
so fast
I had to run to catch
his shadow.
Always one step ahead--
maybe more--
Literally. Philosophically.
Theologically.
A leader.
A path finder.
A way maker.
All that was years ago.
But then
pain.
Crippling pain.
Pain that slows feet and fight.
Pain that stands him still.
Angry.
Compromised.
Except for his mind.
Now, while I slow my steps for his
syncopated stutter-stepped shuffle
he still outruns my mind--
day and night.
I want to cry out
against this injustice
because it is categorically
not fair--
not part of the plan decades
ago--
But I know that
Life is not fair
nor just.
It marches on
regardless. Trampling
on plans made in our prime.
So I don't. Instead
I find solace in
what there is in moments
not days or even hours.
Moments.
I find comfort in the hope he holds on to that
In a moment
In a twinkling of an eye . . .
We will all be changed.
This is another poem that I wrote during the Boothbay Harbor Literacy Retreat I attended in July 2013. Two years later (4 years ago), my dad passed away after a long struggle with debilitating pain that was difficult to witness. This poem touches on the only thing that comforts me in this giant loss: the Hope of seeing him again one day, without the pain that stole him from us.
A collection of random thoughts and images from the life of a busy retired educator who is working at finding peace and restoration while trying to make the most of every day.
Wednesday, September 11, 2019
Wednesday, January 14, 2015
Small Wire
One of the most important things in life is our relationship with God. Not just that we have a relationship, although that matters, but what kind of relationship we have. Our view of God will dictate the quality of connection we have with Him and our view of God is determined by our upbringing, our experiences, and our personal efforts to establish and maintain a relationship with Him. Jonathan Edwards wrote and delivered his sermon at the height of the Great Awakening in the 1740s. Ministers at the time were using every tactic they could to bring their parishioners back to where they felt they should be, back to the Puritanical tradition of an angry, jealous, no-nonsense God. Edwards tried to terrify his listeners into coming back, and he succeeded. But at what cost? Obedience at the price of love? Edwards describes us as loathsome creatures--even to God our creator, who preserves us on a whim rather than because he loves us.
Anne Sexton, on the other hand, realized that even though our connection with God might be tenuous at best, it doesn't matter. God will easily and lovingly not only connect with us, but will hold us close and not allow us to fall. Sexton was a descendent of Puritans, so she knew the traditional concept of God, and yet writing in the 1970s, she had a much more open view of God. She also understood that our need for God is there, it is inevitable, even though we might not understand it fully. The relationship is a two-way experience, though. Both are involved--God and us.
My view is even more evolved than Anne's, I think. I had the great privilege of growing up in a home where a loving, merciful, generous, and kind God was actively included in every aspect of living. My father, a theologian in his own right, and a great student of the Bible, would often share his thinking and learning with us, so by the time I got to college, I had a healthy understanding of, and appreciation for, a God more like Anne's than Jonathan's. College teachers continued to challenge and encourage my thinking and my relationship in ways I am only now beginning to appreciate. What I thought was the norm turns out to be somewhat unusual for most. But it has given me is a place and a way to minister to others in encouraging their own personal discovery of the true character of God and for that I am thankful.
Labels:
Anne Sexton,
devotional,
inspirational,
New England poets,
poetry,
school
Wednesday, November 26, 2014
For Balmy Sunshine and Rich Blessings
| Saguaro National Park, Tucson, AZ |
| Hartwell Tavern, Concord, MA |
| Old North Bridge, Concord, MA |
| Saguaro National Park, Tucson, AZ |
For balmy sunshine
For nourishing rain
Dear Lord and our Father
We thank Thee.
| Monarch Butterflies |
For food and Thy care
Rich blessings we share
Dear Lord and our Father
We thank Thee.
We thank Thee, oh Lord.
Photos taken in Concord 5 years ago, Saguaro National Park near Tucson two weeks ago, and the Desert Botanical Garden in Phoenix one week ago.
Labels:
blessings,
Concord,
family,
friends,
Lexington,
Saguaro National Park,
Thanksgiving
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
Preparing for Day One
We are one week away from starting classes again (school starts on Monday, classes begin on Wednesday), but have been in pre-session meetings since last Thursday. During and in between those meetings, I've been talking with various colleagues about the importance of writing. The more I said, the more hypocritical I felt. With my mouth I was saying yes, it's important to write, to let your students and colleagues see and know that you write. A new colleague shared extensively with us about the importance of writing in the classroom and our departments are collaborating on creating a whole-school writing protocol, complete with rubrics that will help all disciplines work towards competence in writing in each and every discipline. But here it has been seven months since I've written here! That is about to change . . . I hope.
Thing is, I go at this in jags. sometimes I'll be on a writing jag and other times I'll be on a reading one . . . and rarely am I on the two at the same time. For me, it's almost physically impossible as they require two opposite actions of me. And yet one feeds off of--and inspires--the other, so I really should be able to do both, right?
Yes. I am determined. Wish me luck!!!
Thing is, I go at this in jags. sometimes I'll be on a writing jag and other times I'll be on a reading one . . . and rarely am I on the two at the same time. For me, it's almost physically impossible as they require two opposite actions of me. And yet one feeds off of--and inspires--the other, so I really should be able to do both, right?
Yes. I am determined. Wish me luck!!!
Trying my hand at writing with a quill pen at the Jane Austen Centre in Bath, England.
Friday, January 17, 2014
On and On
~ J.R.R. Tolkein
"It's your road and yours alone. Others may walk it with you, but no one can walk it for you."
Those are the quotes for today's bell work. I asked my students to describe the road they are currently traveling--literally and figuratively. Who is going with you? Where are you going? Where do you wish you were going? Why? I'll be interested to see their responses. So much for the literal road I'm on. Figuratively, I start my day on a winding road that I have no idea where or how it will end. For some reason, that doesn't unnerve me the way the actual unknown road does. Perhaps because I've gone into this unknown so many times before. Coming to Arizona was one such big adventure. But every day has its own journey with its myriad opportunities to wonder about the day's mile posts. But that's a whole other story. I'll have to leave that for another day.
Thursday, January 16, 2014
Crazy Enough
"The ones who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones that do." Change the world. Back in the 80s I thought I could change the world. One person at a time. I read Ann Kiemel's books...devoured them...about being just one, but that God and I, we'd change the world. "You watch. You wait. You'll see." That was my mantra. I embraced the idea whole-heartedly. I challenged my friends and my students to join me on my journey through change. It was exciting and energizing to think about...and to make the effort. I carried that energy with me through the 90s and loved it all, loved the idea that I could make a difference. In all my thinking about change in my world, there came changes in me. As I traveled the world, literally, I began to see things differently. More globally. I began to think outside my world...and realized it would take more than just me (and God) to effect some of the changes I saw. That was a good place to start, but it couldn't stop there. I would have to encourage others to effect change in their world, too, if we wanted to make a dent at all.
In recent years, I have started each of my classes with a 10-minute writing session. Initially, it was just free-writing designed to wake their brains up, but for the past few years I've been more focused and intentional with what I want my students to think and write about. This morning, I paired the above quote with another one about making a difference: "You can't change it all at once. It's gonna take multiple people at separate stages of people's lives taking and making a difference. It's not just gonna take me." I guess that's where I am now--realizing that where I am attempting to effect change in the lives of the young people around me, I am not in a vacuum. Many came before and many more will come after. This could be daunting and/or discouraging, and could possibly cause one to say "why bother then." But there's also this: "I can do all things through Christ." I am crazy enough to believe it is indeed possible to change my world after all.
Photos taken in Butterfly Wonderland in Phoenix, Arizona
Labels:
Ann Kiemel,
change,
school,
Thinking and Doing,
travel,
writing
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
Change
She is
founder and past president of the Story Circle Network and a member of the
Texas Institute of Letters."
Having read nearly everything she's published, I think it's safe to say that I admire and respect her on a number of levels. I am "friends" with her on Facebook and follow her on Twitter and read her blogs faithfully. Now, this week, I am embarking on a journey inspired by her book Starting Points: Weekly Writing Prompts for Women with Stories to Tell. My plan is to do much of the woodshed writing in my private journal, but to write at least one entry a week inspired by the daily writing I do based on the prompts. We'll see how it goes. I always have grand plans at the start of the year to "write more." This year, I hope to actually do that. Wish me luck!
The prompts for the first week of January have to do with changes. Significant changes in my life over the past year. An easy question on the surface. There are changes that time brings to us, that we can do nothing about. Unstoppable changes that come with aging. The eyes grow dimmer, the joints ache more in the morning, the energy drops a little more than it used to at the end of the day. Those are things to be expected, and yet they are not necessarily easy dealt with. They are part of what comes with living longer, though, so I must find a way to deal with them. That, too, is easier said than done, but must happen if I am to move on with my life, my future, and not stay rooted in the past--or even the present.
Photo: New decals on my laptop :)
Photo: New decals on my laptop :)
Don't Ever
"You were born with the ability to change someone's life. Don't ever waste it."
The words shout across the classroom to me. I've been teaching for 35 years now and I'm quite conscious...now...of the opportunities I have to change someone's life. They are a regular part of the majority of my waking hours 180 days out of the year...minimum. Every minute in my classroom is an opportunity to effect change. Genuine, gut-wrenching, simple, subtle, silent, achingly slow change. Being a teacher gives me all that and more.I have since thought about those first few weeks of my first job and have wondered why I felt so unprepared for the emotional onslaught of this discovery. Why had my education teachers never talked about that part? Maybe it's the part we all have to figure out for ourselves in our own way. Certainly there is no right way or one way to do it. There is no formula for changing a life, although there are consequences for closing your eyes to the opportunities. Perhaps the other quote on today's bell work slide is the answer: "I'm in love with the possibility of changing the world. They tell me I'm crazy. They don't know my God." On second thought, that is the answer. The only answer for me...
Photos taken at Butterfly Wonderland in Scottsdale, Arizona
Friday, January 03, 2014
The Remains of the Day
The evening's the best part of the day. You've done your day's work.
Now you can put your feet up and enjoy it.
~ The Remains of the Day
| Sunset over Mooselookmeguntic Lake, Rangeley, Maine |
- 1991--quit my job, go back to school at UNH to work on my PhD, join NEYE (orchestra), begin to travel the world (China-Thailand-Singapore tour)
- 1992--move to Brunswick, Maine to be Kaitie and Christopher's nanny, continue to travel the world with NEYE (Egypt, South Africa, Jordan, Israel), play in Carnegie Hall numerous times
- 1993--move to Boston, take job at GBA
- 1996--continue world travels to England and Russia, begin work as recruiter/fundraiser
- 1998--go to Russia again
- 1999--take spontaneous long weekend trip to Paris
- 2002--take a Western Caribbean cruise
- 2004--take writing course in Aix-en-Provence
- 2005--explore Norway with family, become principal of GBA, take seniors to Peru on a mission trip
- 2010--move to Phoenix to "just" teach
- 2012--go to the Grand Canyon for the first of several times, take on administrative responsibilities at TAA
- 2013--go to Zambia for mission trip, take a cross-country road trip
| Sunset outside my back patio |
| Sunset over the South Rim of the Grand Canyon |
Saturday, July 13, 2013
We Have This Hope
Coincidences. I don't believe in them. Too many times when I'm on the verge of saying "What a coincidence!" I look closer and realize it's no such thing. Take this morning, for example. A few minutes ago I was reading a friend's blog post about "Hope." It was simple, yet profound. An honest conversation about the difference between hoping and wishing and how they are not the same thing. I was moved by the reminder that hope is grounded in something far deeper than a simple desire. It is based on knowledge, although that knowledge might be hidden or even buried
at times.
As I was thinking about this, the CD that had been playing in the background changed to the next hymn: "We Have This Hope" based on Titus 2:13 (We should live like that while we wait for our great hope and the coming of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ). Electrified, as the words simultaneously burst into my consciousness with the words already on my mind, I paid attention to the words as never before:
As I was thinking about this, the CD that had been playing in the background changed to the next hymn: "We Have This Hope" based on Titus 2:13 (We should live like that while we wait for our great hope and the coming of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ). Electrified, as the words simultaneously burst into my consciousness with the words already on my mind, I paid attention to the words as never before:
Hope in the
coming of the Lord.
We have this
faith that Christ alone imparts,
Faith in the
promise of His word.
We believe
the time is here
When the
nations far and near
Shall
awaken, shout and sing
Hallelujah,
Christ is King!
We have this
hope that burns within our hearts,
Hope in the
coming of the Lord.
We are united in Jesus Christ our Lord.
We are united in His love.
Love for the waiting people of the world,
People who need our Savior’s love.
Soon the heav’ns will open wide,
Christ will come to claim His bride,
All the universe will sing
Hallelujah! Christ is King!
We have this hope, this faith, and God’s great love,
We are united in Christ.
We are united in His love.
Love for the waiting people of the world,
People who need our Savior’s love.
Soon the heav’ns will open wide,
Christ will come to claim His bride,
All the universe will sing
Hallelujah! Christ is King!
We have this hope, this faith, and God’s great love,
We are united in Christ.
Composed for the 1962 General Conference session by legendary Christian composer and musician Wayne Hooper, I first heard this beautiful reminder two years later at a Youth Congress in Atlantic City. I will never forget it. Not even 10 years old yet, and I understood clearly the difference Hope can make. Looking back today, I can see how everything in my life revolves around this hope, this secure knowledge that Christ alone imparts when you embrace Him whole-heartedly. I don't always remember it, unfortunately, but that's what reminders are for. Reminders like Christy's blogpost this morning, or hearing that beloved hymn, or going back in memory to the time I first knew what hope was all about.
This morning, there are many things I am hopeful about--from the insignificant to the consequential, and everything in between. Most importantly, hope in the soon-coming of the Lord.
[Photos from the sunset at my parents' in Maine on Wednesday night.]
Saturday, June 29, 2013
Words Matter
"Say it. . . . Say it to me."
I wonder what he means by that.
Say what? Say what to whom?
Why does it matter
that we say the words too?
"Actions speak louder than words."
Yet we want the words.
"Sticks and stones may break my bones
but words will never hurt me."
Ah. But they do.
they have, and they will again.
"Say them over again to me
Wonderful words of life."
"I am the Way, the Truth, the Life."
"The Word of God."
"The Word made Flesh."
"the Word . . . dwells among us."
Say it.
Say it to me.
Words
Matter.
On the last day of the main part of this retreat, Linda asked us to choose something we had written during the week to share with the whole group (about 50 of us). Now, that was daunting, I must say. But I decided to read part of this poem. I actually marked the lines I wanted to read, but changed my mind twice about which ones to include (she said to choose something short, or selections from something longer). While this isn't a short poem, I felt there were too many references to things people might not get. Here's the result:
Why does it matter
that we say the words?
Actions speak louder than words.
Yet, we want the words.
Sticks and stones may break my bones
but words will never hurt me.
Ah, but they do.
They have and they will again.
The Word was made Flesh and dwelt among us.
Words
matter.
Labels:
Boothbay Harbor,
Maine,
poetry,
QuickWrites,
retreats,
words,
writing
In Spite of Everything
In spite of everything, God
is still in charge.
I mean--He's there.
He sees all, knows all.
He's engaged in a great civil war
testing whether mercy
trumps justice.
In spite of everything, I
don't blame Him.
Not for wars, pestilence,
hate, loss, pain.
Nor all the things that bring down
happiness.
And life.
In spite of everything, He
loves me.
This . . . I know.
I've seen it.
Heard it.
Felt it
deep in the marrow
of my bones.
In spite of everything, Love
will triumph over evil, mercy
will triumph over justice.
The lame will walk,
The blind will see.
And we.
Shall.
All.
Be.
Changed.
In spite of everything.
I wrote this a few days ago (June 25th) during an early morning QuickWrite session with Linda Rief, the writing mentor at this year's Boothbay Literacy Retreat in Boothbay Harbor, Maine. I had the privilege of attending this retreat for the first time and I am already needing to go back. Amazing. That's the word that kept coming to my lips. The word I kept rejecting as not adequate, not enough. What else is there, though? What word can you use to describe 5 days of "sitting among greatness," as one participant tweeted?
During these five days, we were quite literally listening to legends, writing beside game-changers, soaking up energy from cutting edge learners, thinkers, teachers, writers. Maybe the word I should use is lucky. I was so lucky to be there. Maybe the word I should use is inspired. I was inspired and excited to go back to my classroom, my kids. Maybe the word I should use is again. I need to do this again and again.
The poem comes from a line in Edward Hirsch's poem "In spite of everything, the stars." The idea of a QuickWrite is to read a short poem, then take a line that speaks to you and use that as the jumping off point for 90 seconds of your own writing. Any kind of writing, just continual writing for 90 seconds. This was Tuesday's poem. Unedited, just as I wrote it.
It surprised me that I could write something that quickly and be OK with sharing it with others...because that's the next step: sharing. The only thing that made that part doable is that everyone else had to do it, too. Sitting there listening to what others did was fascinating--that each one could get something completely different from the same poem. That's the beauty of the QuickWrite. It's quick, it's uncensored, it's honest. And so many times amazing. There's that word again :)
is still in charge.
I mean--He's there.
He sees all, knows all.
He's engaged in a great civil war
testing whether mercy
trumps justice.
In spite of everything, I
don't blame Him.
Not for wars, pestilence,
hate, loss, pain.
Nor all the things that bring down
happiness.
And life.
In spite of everything, He
loves me.
This . . . I know.
I've seen it.
Heard it.
Felt it
deep in the marrow
of my bones.
In spite of everything, Love
will triumph over evil, mercy
will triumph over justice.
The lame will walk,
The blind will see.
And we.
Shall.
All.
Be.
Changed.
In spite of everything.
I wrote this a few days ago (June 25th) during an early morning QuickWrite session with Linda Rief, the writing mentor at this year's Boothbay Literacy Retreat in Boothbay Harbor, Maine. I had the privilege of attending this retreat for the first time and I am already needing to go back. Amazing. That's the word that kept coming to my lips. The word I kept rejecting as not adequate, not enough. What else is there, though? What word can you use to describe 5 days of "sitting among greatness," as one participant tweeted?
During these five days, we were quite literally listening to legends, writing beside game-changers, soaking up energy from cutting edge learners, thinkers, teachers, writers. Maybe the word I should use is lucky. I was so lucky to be there. Maybe the word I should use is inspired. I was inspired and excited to go back to my classroom, my kids. Maybe the word I should use is again. I need to do this again and again.The poem comes from a line in Edward Hirsch's poem "In spite of everything, the stars." The idea of a QuickWrite is to read a short poem, then take a line that speaks to you and use that as the jumping off point for 90 seconds of your own writing. Any kind of writing, just continual writing for 90 seconds. This was Tuesday's poem. Unedited, just as I wrote it.
It surprised me that I could write something that quickly and be OK with sharing it with others...because that's the next step: sharing. The only thing that made that part doable is that everyone else had to do it, too. Sitting there listening to what others did was fascinating--that each one could get something completely different from the same poem. That's the beauty of the QuickWrite. It's quick, it's uncensored, it's honest. And so many times amazing. There's that word again :)
Labels:
Boothbay Harbor,
inspiration,
literacy,
Maine,
poetry,
retreats,
writing
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
Listen! The Wind!
Several weeks ago I wrote the first two paragraphs of this blog but never published it for some reason I don't remember now. School was not out yet and apparently we had a big windstorm going on. I wrote: "The wind is blowing outside my classroom window. It's a sound we don't usually get here in Arizona. There were warnings last night, though. And a memo to staff: "High wind advisory today. Please notify all of your students to be careful of falling branches and debris. Thanks!"
The Heavens Declare . . .
Spent last weekend at one of my favorite spots on earth--at my sister's family cabin on Mooselookmeguntic Lake in northwestern Maine. They've owned it since the early 80s and I've been lucky enough to enough many happy visits there over the years. The cabin's deck faces west over the lake, treating us to hundreds of amazing sunsets, none of them the same. Take the two we enjoyed this weekend. Frist, Friday night's from two perspectives (the first two at the end of the lake, the next six from the cabin's deck):
Then check out the sunset on Saturday night. For the longest time, there was almost no other color in the sky besides the gold of the sun. Then, suddenly, the molten gold spread across the sky:
Then check out the sunset on Saturday night. For the longest time, there was almost no other color in the sky besides the gold of the sun. Then, suddenly, the molten gold spread across the sky:
Psalm 19 1-2 God’s glory is on tour
in the skies,
God-craft on exhibit across the horizon.
Madame Day holds classes every morning,
Professor Night lectures each evening.
God-craft on exhibit across the horizon.
Madame Day holds classes every morning,
Professor Night lectures each evening.
3-4 Their words aren’t heard,
their voices aren’t recorded,
But their silence fills the earth:
unspoken truth is spoken everywhere.
their voices aren’t recorded,
But their silence fills the earth:
unspoken truth is spoken everywhere.
4-5 God makes a huge dome
for the sun—a superdome!
The morning sun’s a new husband
leaping from his honeymoon bed,
The daybreaking sun an athlete
racing to the tape.
for the sun—a superdome!
The morning sun’s a new husband
leaping from his honeymoon bed,
The daybreaking sun an athlete
racing to the tape.
6 That’s how God’s Word vaults across the skies
from sunrise to sunset,
Melting ice, scorching deserts,
warming hearts to faith.
from sunrise to sunset,
Melting ice, scorching deserts,
warming hearts to faith.
~The Message Bible
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